Impatient . . . yes

After a perfectly beautiful weekend of playing with J and A, I was disappointed to wake up this morning to no contractions, no broken water, no pain. Just another day in paradise. One reason: I don't really want to go to work anymore. My students have been fine. That's not the problem. I just want to be home for a while. Reason #2: I'm ready. So, why wait? The longer I wait, the more grading, phone calls, etc. that I have to deal with. My sub is ready, and so am I. So, I say bring on the contractions. My friend S says to be careful for what you ask for.

J doesn't understand why I am quite so vocal about my desire for pain this time. Reason #? why men do not have babies. It's not that I WANT pain. I just want to go into labor naturally this time. I want to know what actual contractions feel like, not Pitocin-induced contractions. I want to know my own threshold for pain. I want to experience labor. J has said more times than not that if he was the one having the baby, he would arrive at the hospital announcing, "Bring on the epidural," or something to that effect. Not me. This time, I want to know how it feels, and frankly, if I can't take it, THEN I'll say, "Bring on the epidural." But, not before. My friend's reflexologist says if I'm feeling anxious, then why would the baby come. He can feel my anxiety, she says. I don't know about that. All I know is that I'm not afraid, so how could I be anxious. Impatient, yes. But anxious? No. Bring it on!